Biopsy

December 23rd we wake up early and drive to Lewis Gale. I call Chris and Molly to let them know what is happening. How can this be? It was just last year we were finding out about Chris’s breast cancer. More tears, prayers, devastation. The staff at the hospital is wonderful however it is a real challenge to listen to Christmas carols from the overhead music.

Turns out they cannot do the biopsy via ultrasound because it is too difficult to see the liver mets under the ribs. “They are only in the right lobe so we can’t see them well.” Only, she said only…is that good somehow? Fortunately the CT and radiologist for that are available and we are shortly meeting them and entering the CT room. After the procedure I have to stay on bedrest for four hours. I have the benefit of the drugs I was given for the CT. Not uncomfortable but more importantly, my mind is resting. A break from the dark, haunting thoughts is a welcome relief. Unfortunately, Jim does not have that luxury.

The time passes and we get to go home. I hang out on the couch. Watch everyone play cards, chat, we eat. Taking a stab at a “normal” evening. Wondering if normal will ever return to any of our vocabularies. Our minds are our worst enemies. None of us can shut off the thoughts of despair, trouble, death. Sleeping and eating become real challenges.